Comfort blankets

My mother would often ask me if I was sure about things.

” Are you sure this is my bed?”

“Are you sure this is where I am to sleep?”

” Are we supposed to be here? Are you sure?”

I would try to reassure her but it was hard to make it stick. One thing I did to help her settle down was to make her a blanket.

I like to knit and crochet so I made her a nice big colorful blanket to go on her bed. Then, every time she asked if this was really her bed, I would point to the blanket.

“Yes, this is definitely your bed because that is your blanket”.

I don’t know if she recognized the blanket or not but it did seem to help her to trust that this was where she was meant to be.

If your loved one is anxious about things like this you could try something similar. It doesn’t have to be a blanket. It might be a particular pillow or a picture or whatever it is that works for you. Then you can point to it and say : Yes, that is definitely your chair, or bed, or whatever it is because there’s your red pillow or there is the picture of the horse.

The most important part of it is that you have to sound like you are really convinced that this is their bed. They have to be able to trust that you know what is happening and your tone of voice is very important in getting the message across. You have to sound confident and reassuring every time a person with dementia asks you about something.

Imagine if you couldn’t understand what is happening around you. Everything is confusing and it doesn’t make sense. Nothing stays the same and you lose the ability to operate independently in the world. That is what happens as the disease progresses.

That is why people become so dependent on their care partners. They need to know that you are there to look out for them when they can’t do it for themselves.

Getting back to the blanket! It kept my mother company for about five years and, when she died, I wrapped it around her in her coffin to keep her safe on her journey.