Religion – How it can help people with dementia.

Religion can be a great source of comfort for people with dementia particularly if they have been actively practicing their faith for a long time.

People who have Alzheimer’s Disease, the most common cause of dementia, lose their short term memory first. Older, long term, memories last much longer so someone who can’t remember what happened this morning can tell you very clearly what they did forty years ago.

People of faith, whether they be Christian, Jewish, Moslem, Hindu, Buddhist or belong to any other religion, will have learned certain prayers, songs and rituals. They will have repeated these over the years so they will be stored as part of their long term memories. These things will be remembered long after other things have been forgotten.

We, as caregivers, can use these memories to bring comfort to a distressed person, to lessen agitation and to distract people from whatever they are anxious about at that moment.

As the symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease or some other form of dementia develop, it is not unusual for people to begin to withdraw from the wider world. Going to places like churches or other faith communities where there are lots of people can be overwhelming. There may just be too much going on and it can be hard to keep up. They might also be afraid that they will say or do something wrong and people will think they are stupid. There is still a huge amount of stigma attached to dementia.

If they decide they are not going to go to their place of worship anymore that might also mean that their caregiving spouse doesn’t feel like they can go either. Now, both are missing out on sharing in the sacraments and on the fellowship they would have enjoyed. For someone with a deep faith this can be a tremendous loss.

What can we as caregivers do and how can faith communities help?

In the earlier stages of my mother’s disease she really enjoyed when the Minister from her church came to the house for a visit. They prayed together and then had a cup of tea and chatted for a while. It sometimes happened that my mother forgot that they were coming even though it had been arranged in advance. The Minister was very gracious, apologized for surprising her and took the blame for the mix up every time. It was easier on everyone that way and we were very grateful for their understanding.

In later years, after she moved to a nursing home, clergy from various denominations made regular visits to the residents. That brought great comfort to everyone because it made them feel like they had not been forgotten.

Most places of worship will be happy to have someone do home visiting. Ask your faith leaders what is available if your loved one is no longer willing or able to attend.

Some people have been used to saying prayers at night before they go to bed. If that is the case, continuing with the ritual as their disease progresses can bring them a lot of reassurance. Whatever the routine was, try to stick with it. Anything you can do at bedtime to help someone feel secure and safe will go a long way to lessen difficulties with sleeping. If you don’t know the prayers yourself, get a prayer book and read from it. You will learn as you go along which ones seem to help and which don’t. Focus on the ones that bring a positive reaction. There is nothing wrong with saying the same one twice.

As my mother’s disease progressed, if she was particularly agitated about something, one of us would start to say the Lord’s Prayer: ” Our Father who art in Heaven,” and, by the time we had said a couple of lines of it, she would join in. It broke her fixation with whatever she was worrying about at that moment. At other times she might just mumble as we said the prayer. She did it because somehow she knew what she was supposed to do. Her long term memory kicked in.

She also enjoyed listening to familiar hymns and songs. We had a couple of CDs we would play regularly. Initially, she would sing along and, as the years went by, she began to just hum. They needed to be the old traditional tunes though – ones she had heard since she was young. As your world falls apart and everything changes and becomes unfamiliar those old songs, psalms and prayers can provide a sense of constancy and security like nothing else.

For Roman Catholics, the Rosary can be very comforting. Most people learned it as children so it is deep in their old memory. It is also repetitious and rhythmic so is ideal for those with memory problems. Having the rosary beads in their hands also helps to calm people down as their fingers move along them. If someone is agitated, holding their hands for a little while until they get used to the feel of the beads can be very comforting.

What can Churches and Houses of Worship do?

Firstly, they can recognize that there are people in their congregations dealing with this issue. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, http://alz.org , one in ten Americans over the age of 65 has Alzheimer’s disease and the risk increases dramatically as we age.

Secondly, they should then let them and their caregivers know that they are welcome and are valued members of the community.

Thirdly, they should ask them and their caregivers how they can be of help. Find out what they need.

The caregivers might request a home visit to reassure their loved one they have not been forgotten.

It might be access to a quiet room in the building where they can go for a few minutes during a service if they are getting overwhelmed.

Maybe they would love the parish to organize a coffee morning once a month so that they, and their loved one, don’t feel so isolated.

Ask them – they will tell you. Don’t assume you know what they need.

Then do everything in your power to make it happen.